Simply put, Peaceful Parenting® follows the idea that human beings are internally motivated. Children (and parents) do what they do because of what is going on inside of them. The world outside of the child (and the parents) gives the child information. But the child decides what to do with this information based on what is going on inside the child at the time.
So when you ask your 7-year old to come inside for supper, your child hears your request as information. Based on what is going on for this child, he will behave accordingly. One child might decide to run inside as you have asked because he is very hungry. Or another child might decide to play one more inning of kick ball with her friends. Yes, she has heard your request. Yes, she wants to eat supper. But she also wants to play one more inning because it is her turn to kick and she knows she will kick the winning run!
Contrary to what you may have learned in other parenting programs, children cannot be manipulated into behaving just as we want them to. Unfortunately there is a lot of information in our culture that would lead parents to believe that they can, should and must control their children.
The reality is that people are not easily controlled. In fact the very urge to control others may result in those others resisting harder because they do not want to feel controlled. If people were as easily manipulated and controlled as our culture represents you too would be easily controlled and manipulated.
For instance, do you have the ability to resist buying everything that is advertised to you in the media? Of course you do! Even the “bribes,” positive reinforcements or carrots the advertisers offer with rebates and sale prices does not mean that you must purchase every thing, willy nilly. You decide to purchase a product because you need or want a specific item, not because of the enticement of advertising. Do you have the ability to resist your child’s unhealthy or inappropriate request? Even when your child punishes you by telling you she “hates you” or “won’t love you any more if you don’t give in to her way,” you still have the ability to stick by your decision to answer your child’s request with a firm “no” response. No matter how hard your child tries to externally control you, you can make a reasonable decision.
So why do we think it is otherwise with children? Simply because our children are smaller, less experienced and younger does not mean they are any more easily controlled or manipulated using external rewards and punishments.
Peaceful Parenting® means you understand your children are internally motivated by their genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Practicing Peaceful Parenting® means you understand that you are also internally motivated by your genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Both parents and children experience the urge to control one another because parents and children are both born with the urge for power. Luckily we are also born with an urge for love. Our desire to stay connected with one another hopefully ameliorates our desire to win and control each other. Understanding this means the desire to follow Peaceful Parenting® ideas. It is harder, more challenging and more rewarding than trying to control our children using external control ideas. Peaceful Parenting® also is more respectful of your child’s capacities to learn and become a responsible adult.
Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.
Here you go….. here are some of my favorite Easter crafts and activities to do with my children for the Easter Holidays. Kids love the Holidays for many reasons. But, I like to remind my children that bottom line the Holidays are about "Family". So, remind your [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "20 Egg-sellent Easter Crafts & Activities for Kids", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2008/03/21/20-easter-crafts-and-activities-for-kids/" });
St. Patrick’s Day is on March 17th this year which is in another couple of days. In honor of the festivities I thought I would list a tons of super fun crafts to do with your kids to celebrate St. Patty’s Day. So, without further ado….. feast your eyes [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "St. Patrick’s Day Crafts for Kids", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2008/03/14/st-patricks-day-crafts-for-kids/" });
It is December 11th and it is the 8th and final day of Hanukkah 2007. Before Hanukkah was over I wanted to make sure to offer my viewers tons of links to Hanukkah / Chanukah Crafts and Activities to enjoy. Each link takes you to a site that will [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "14 Hanukkah Crafts and Activities to enjoy with your Preschooler", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/12/11/14-hanukkah-crafts-activities-for-preschoolers/" });
I came across this Website today that I just had to share with my Preschool Education Blog viewers. Tiny Prints is donating up to $50,000 this Holiday Season to Children’s Charities. And, they are asking the World Wide Web to help them decide which Children’s Charities a portion [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Tiny Prints - It’s Free. It’s Easy. It’s Charitable!!", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/11/14/tiny-prints-charity/" });
Fall may be a terrific time of year for fun crafts but you don’t want to be so focused on the fun that you forget about the great educational opportunities that the season presents. Sure, it’s great to carve pumpkins and make Thanksgiving turkeys out of construction paper during [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Educational Fall Activities", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/11/07/educational-fall-activities/" });
Do you use the terms “fall” and “autumn” interchangeably? If so, you are just like most other people in America who agree that the two words are meant to mean the same thing (the season that comes after summer and before winter). But there is another school [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "How to Explain to your Preschooler if it is Autumn or Fall", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/10/28/how-to-explain-to-preschooler-if-it-is-autumn-or-fall/" });
Fall is a terrific time to incorporate leaf crafts into kids’ daily activities. You can take kids outside to get some fresh air and physical activity while they collect the leaves. Then you can come indoors again and keep them busy with the crafts. Leaf crafts are [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Leaf Crafts for Kids", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/10/21/leaf-crafts-for-kids/" });
Your children are going to inherit the earth that we are living on today so you obviously want it to be as healthy as it can possibly be for them. Although it’s great that you’re doing your part to take care of the environment, it’s equally as [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Teaching your Child about the Environment - Blog Action Day 2007", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/10/15/teaching-your-child-about-the-environment/" });
October just might be the most fun month there is as far as fall preschool themes go. It’s early enough in the year that there are still plenty of outdoor activities that can be done with preschoolers. It’s also early enough in the year that you’re not [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Preschool October Themes - As Fall Continues", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/10/10/preschool-october-themes-as-fall-continues/" });
What better time to teach your child about fall than when we’re right about to enter the midst of it? Fall is a great teaching tool because it applies to so many different areas of life. Not only do kids learn about the seasons, but they also [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "How to Teach your Child about Fall", url: "http://www.abchomepreschool.com/PreschoolEducationBlog/2007/10/04/how-to-teach-your-child-about-fall/" });